Tuesday, 21 December 2010

*dramatic and flourishing gesture*

Good morning interwebs! (And I say good morning, not because of the suspiciously late-afternoon shaped time, but because I have only recently regained conciousness..) I have for some foolish reason decided that I must.. write.. blog.. immediately...


Wow. I'm already failing at this.. I poked my brain with a metaphorical stick in the hope that it might present a wonderful and fantastic thing to write about, but instead ALL THE IDEAS EVER appeared, shouting "PICK ME! PICK ME! I'LL BE IN YOUR BLOG!!"

So, a quick quiz/game/thing..

This weekend past, did I:
A- Sing raucously to an onion, along with a few hundred other people
B- Having not skied for about 10 years, accidentally go over a JUMP and fly down the remainder of the slope, finally crashing into a net, surprised to be alive
C- Sing in a wondrous collaboration twixt human and bee


Haha! It was a trick question! The answer was ALL OF THE ABOVE! Bet you didn't see that coming!

Perhaps I should explain..

The first scenario was far more normal than it might at first glance appear. Quite simply, I was at a panto.. The panto I saw before this one called for much singing about one's 'ding-a-ling' making the 'who can sing the loudest' competition funnier than ever.. Anyway, back to the more recent panto.. For some reason the characters of Sleeping Beauty had decided that they of course needed to make some sort of pie.. This led to a dilemma when one of the characters said they couldn't chop onions without crying, so of course the panto dame had to teach everyone a song to sing to the onion so as to avoid this problem..

The words went something like this (ish)

I've never harmed an onion
I know I never shall
I've never harmed an onion
I treat it as a pal
Tell me, tell me, tell me why
I've never harmed an onion
But still they make me cry?

Now I hate onions with a fiery passion and I once thought that if I ever ruled the world they would be BANNED.. But I immediately forgot this completely in the face of panto enthusiasm and sang along with everyone else, even doing the actions (a lot of finger wagging and a salute at the words 'treat it as a pal').

Apparently pantomimes are very much a British Thing, and many countries don't really have them.. Well all I can say, countries who don't know about pantos, is "YOU LOSE"

Where else would you see costumes like this..

Good. Weekend explaination part B- skiing. Actually, this doesn't take much explaining.. I am bad at things, especially things of the sporting variety..

Filled with snow-related glee, I decided that skiing was the only way forwards, so off we went to the dry ski slope of my youth.. Of course, dry ski slope it was no longer.. Entirely covered with snow it looked far more exciting.. Unfortunately, it turns out that real snow is a very large amount more slippery than the wiry, bristly mesh that lay underneath..

Quickly, I gave up on the small, safe, easy slope as the moving rope that acted as a ski lift wouldn't work and I would've had to awkwardly walk sideways up the slope.. (YES, I AM LAZY OKAY!!!)

I then proceeded to what I remembered as the 'intermediate' slope.. NOT SO!!! *Always* look before you ski! Why did I not take a minute or two to examine the surface I was planning on throwing myself down??? I managed to notice the GIANT jump in the middle of the slope and thought "Pshhh! I can easily avoid that!" 
What I failed to see was the smaller one immediately next to it.. (Also, the ridiculous steep-i-tude of the slope in general) Well, I got on the ski-lift and felt somehow proud of myself for reaching the top.. (Oh yeah! Ski-lift conquered! Bring on the next challenge!) What? Getting up is supposed to be easy, idiot-brains! You sit on a thing and it drags you up.. Where is there to go wrong?

So, instilled with a false sense of confidence that I had in no way earned, I set off.. Right away, I realised that all was not going according to plan.. I had hoped to take it slow the first time and yet I was continuing to accellerate! What was going on? I was making the pizza shape with my skis.. That meant slow! Why was I not slowing down??? Wait a minute.. Why does the ground drop away suddenly up ahead???? Oh no! NO!!!!

Whoosh!! My skis left the ground entirely.. I looked down for a moment and just for that second everything was as if in slow motion.. There was nothing I could do now.. As my skis touched back down I could feel the alarming speed I was travelling.. I tried to hold my balance, but my balance has never been a reliable or trustworthy thing.. (I have fallen over from a standing still position, without being drunk, simply because I stopped concentrating and left my feet the task of holding me up.. MISTAKE!)

Anyway, next thing I knew I was upside-down in the safety net at the bottom of the slope. One of my skis had somehow escaped and a small child who has easily negotiated the slope in question was asking me if I was alright.. Physically, yes, just about. Mentally, embarrsed and internally beating myself up for the whole experience...

If you were wondering, the skiing tale ended well and after some practice on the little slope I had another go and didn't fall down, and even managed the big slope (from halfway).. Yaaaay! I live to overestimate myself another day!

And finally!

Bees.. Yep. I actually sang with bees. In a concert. Which I got paid for. Which also was recorded for a CD.

When I was first told about 'The Bee Symphony' I thought it was a silly idea, but whatever.. Good experience and money to do it = why not? But my skepticism was eradicated as soon as we heard the recording of the bees.. It was beautiful, the bees really were singing.. The 20 minute recording followed the bees throughout a day, with an angry section and a happy bit and at the end the bees were falling asleep..

Our part was mimicing sounds the bees were making in each section, and the rehearsal process was filled with amusing directions from the composer as he enthusiasticly told us "more bee-like", "just imagine you're a bee", and "yes, I suppose I am the queen bee!"

So now I have been converted to the way of the bee, as it were.. I'm really sad at the thought of them dying out and leaving us with only the disgusting wasp buzzing around.. You may have noticed that I have refrained from making any bee jokes, easy as they are to make.. That is because I am SICK OF THEM.


I have just looked at how much I have written.. Whoops.. I started writing a few hours ago! I did get distracted a few times and went to find my brother to ask him how the onion song went but I can assure you I did not only just wake up at half seven.. (It was about 4)

The end. =)

Do I win at blog yet?

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